Note: The following questionnaire is by Dr. David Lipsy, a pastor of Heritage Reformed Church of Burgessville, Ontario, Canada.

Instructions:

Please fill this out independently from your partner.  You may email me your answers or place them in my church mailbox.  Once I receive them and look them over, I’ll email you to say you can go to your next mentor couple in the program.

I.  Preliminary Questions

     1.  a.  What is your first, middle, and last name?    

         b.  Please give your age and date of birth.

         c.  What is your current address?

         d. What will be your address after you are married?

     2.  What is the date, time, and place of your wedding and reception?

     3.  Do you both have the full consent and blessing of both sets of parents for marriage?  If not, please explain the situation.

     4.  Are you in any way related to your partner?  If so, how?

     5.  Were you ever married before?

         a.  If yes, did your spouse die or are you divorced?

         b.  If divorced, what were the reasons for the divorce?

     6.  Has a child already been conceived?

     7.  a.  Are you a confessing member of a church?  If yes, which church?

         b.  After marriage, where do you plan to be members?

         c.  Are there any circumstances where a husband and wife might attend different churches?  

     8.  What level of education will you have completed by the time you’re married?

    9.  Which of the following would describe the family in which you grew up: poor, average, wealthy?

   10. Do you have any special requests regarding the wedding ceremony or the reception? 

   11. Do you want to be married “by the banns” or with a marriage license? If you’re not sure what the difference is, we can discuss this.

II. Spiritual Preparedness

   12. a.  Do you believe your partner is a born-again believer? Please explain.

         b.  Are you a born-again believer? Please explain.

         c.  Do you believe your parents are born again? Your partner’s parents? Explain if needed.

   13. a.  How often do you attend church?

         b.  How often do you pray?

         c.  How often do you read the Bible?

         d. How often you read Christian books or magazines? Give examples of what you read.

         e.  Are you involved in other Christian activities? (Bible study groups, choirs, evangelism, etc.)

   14. Mention ways that a husband should try to help his wife, spiritually.

   15. Mention ways a father should try to help his children, spiritually.   

   16. Mention ways a wife should try to help her husband, spiritually?

   17. Mention ways a mother should try to help her children, spiritually? 

   18. How you will do family devotions as a couple and also if the Lord gives you children?

   19. a.  Do you pray together and/or have devotions as a couple? Explain what you do.

         b.  Why is it important for a married couple to have devotions together?     

         c.  How do you feel about the wife praying out loud with her husband and children?

   20. With respect to how you use your time when you’re not working…

         a.  What kinds of things do you do in your spare time?

         b.  Do you expect this to change at all once you’re married?  Please explain.

         c.  How are (1) entertainment, (2) recreation, and (3) edification different?

         d. How much time do you typically spend on each?

   21. Do you keep up with the news?  If so, by what means?  If not, why not?

   22. Do you keep up with matters of government? Please explain why or why not.

   23. What are some of the differences between the following kinds of media?  

         a)  TV

         b)  DVD’s

         c)  Internet

         d)  Movies in theatres

         e)  Smartphones

   24. Aside from Christian material, do you read or watch anything else? Give examples.

   25. What kind(s) of music do you listen to? How does it affect you? How about your partner?

III. Questions about relationships

   26. a.  How long have you known each other?

         b.  How long have you been engaged?

   27. List as many positive qualities as you can think of about your partner. Take time for this!

   28. What would you change about your partner if you could?  

   29. What would you change about yourself if you could?

   30. What would you change about the way your relationship is working if you could?

   31. In what ways do you feel you are especially suitable to be your partner’s spouse?

   32. Aside from spiritual leadership, what kinds of things should a husband be doing?

   33. Aside from caring for her husband/children, what kinds of things should a wife be doing?

   34. Name several ways men and women are different from each other.  Take time on this.     

   35. How would you react if your spouse said this to you, “I should be allowed to spend one or two nights out each week to do things I like to do.”

   36. How is your relationship with…

         a.  Your parents

         b.  Your brothers and sisters (if you have any)

         c.  Your future mother-in-law and father-in-law

         d. Your spouses’ brothers and sisters (if he or she has any)

   37. How often do you spend time with other’s family each week on average?

   38. Do you see any potential challenges with your own parents or future parents-in-law? If so, explain.

IV.    Communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy

   39. With respect to communication…

         b.  How would you rate your fiancé’s ability to communicate with you?

         b.  What do you appreciate about his/her communication with you?

         c.  In what ways could your communication with each be improved? 

   40. a.  What goals do you have for your life? Feel free to talk about more than just your work.

         b.  What are your partner’s goals for his or her life?

   41. Should a husband or wife ever keep secrets from each other?  Explain.

   42. Describe how you think a husband and wife should confront sin issues in each another’s life? 

   43. Are there any differences between how you and your partner deal with disagreements? Explain.

   44. Have you discussed with each other things from your past that might be potential sources of difficulty if such things became known later on?  Some examples might be past relationships, if you know you are unable to have children, etc.  If there are no such issues, simply answer “no.”  If there are, please be sure to discuss these with your partner as soon as possible.  If you need help or advice, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

   45. What have you discussed regarding ways to avoid physical temptations before marriage?

   46. Regarding physical intimacy once you’re married…                                    

a. Name some purposes why God gave this blessing in marriage.

         b.  What are some ways one spouse can ruin this for the other spouse?

         c.  Explain what kinds of things the husband should be sensitive to with regard to his wife?

         d. Explain what kinds of things a wife should be sensitive to with regard to her husband?

   47. Do you believe there are any Biblical grounds for divorce?  If so, what would they be?

V.  Questions about finances

   48. Have the two of you ever discussed budgeting?

         a.  If so, what are some items you want to include?

         b.  If not, talk about this after we go over the questionnaire together.  Need help? Let me know.  

   48. Have you agreed on how much you would give (tithe) for the Lord’s service?

   50. What kind of home will you live in once you’re married?

         a.  Will you be buying or renting?

         b.  Would the income of one spouse be enough to support the two of you?  Children too?

   51. Which one of you will be taking care of the finances?

   52. What are advantages and disadvantages of using credit cards, borrowing money, etc.?

   53. What are your thoughts about the wife working outside the home?

   54. Do either of you have any debts that won’t be paid off by the time you plan to marry?  If yes, what is your plan as to when and how these would be paid?

VI.  Questions about child rearing

   55. Why should married couples have children?  Give this some thought.

   56. a.  What are your thoughts about the number of children you should have? 

         b.  Can you think of any Bible passages that give guidance in this?

   57. When it comes to children…

         a.  Are children born in the church and those who are unchurched different in any way? Explain.

         b.  Should believing parents assume their children have a saving relationship with God unless the child’s life clearly shows that’s not the case? Explain.

         c.  Describe how Godliness might show itself in the life of a young child? Give examples.

   58. Describe your thoughts regarding disciplining.  Address each of the following:

         a.  Whether you consider spanking to be appropriate. If not, why not? If so, when?                                      b.   A parent’s anger in disciplining children. Is anger always sinful? Explain.

         c.  If God would give you more than one child, should each be disciplined in the same way?

  59.  a. What are your plans regarding your children’s education?

         b.  What considerations should go into a decision about the kind of education they should receive?

         c.  What are your thoughts about parents paying for a child’s college or university education?

VII. Your feedback

  60. Your turn – is there any way you would suggest improving this questionnaire? Any questions that are not clear or that seem unnecessary? Questions you think should be asked but were left out?

With Christian love,

Pastors David Lipsy

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