A Biblical Theology of Sickness

At some point in your life you will experience sickness (you might get a cold, the flu, cancer, or the coronavirus). And since sickness is a part of our existence, having a biblical view of it is of great importance. Therefore, in this article I will examine what the Bible teaches about illness. Here are six truths about sickness.

1. Sickness is a consequence of original sin; and in this sense, sickness is a punishment from God for sin.

In Genesis 2:17 God commanded Adam not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for in the day that he eats of it he shall surely die.  Adam disobeyed God. And the moment he sinned, his body started dying. His body became subject to illness. God punished Adam for his sin. If Adam had not sinned, there would be no death, there would be no sickness.

Hence, the presence of sickness is a sad reminder of the fall of Adam. It is one of the effects of original sin. Sickness exists because sin does. In the new heaven and new earth there will be no more sickness because there will be no more sin (Rev. 21:4).

2. Your sickness may be a consequence of your personal sin; and in this sense, your sickness is a chastisement from the Lord.

In James 5:14–15 the author asks, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him…And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” Here it is possible that the person is sick because of particular sin in his life.

Writing to the Corinthian church, Paul proclaims, “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord.  Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died” (1 Cor. 11:27–30). Notice the connection between sickness and sin here. Many members of the Corinthian church are sick because of their sin.

It is therefore possible that God has given you infirmity in order to chastise you (Heb. 12:6). Perhaps it is a consequence of your irresponsible care of your body (e.g., bad diet). Nevertheless, in this context affliction comes to us from God’s loving hand. Affliction is like a rod that God uses to bring back his wandering sheep to the fold.

3. Your sickness may not be a consequence of your personal sin; and in this sense, your sickness is a test from the Lord.

The word “if” in James 5:15 also allows the possibility that the sick person has not committed sins and in this way his sickness is not a result of his personal sin but a test from God. Job is an example of this truth (Job 2:4–7). Sickness became an instrument in God’s hand to mold Job into the person that God wanted him to be. Sickness became a blessing for Job, for it brought him closer to God. The wheelchair- bound Joni Eareckson Tada once declared, “Suffering provides the gym equipment on which my faith can be exercised.”

4. Sickness can be a consequence of the personal sin of another person.

2 Samuel 12:15 tells us that “the Lord afflicted the child that Uriah’s wife bore to David, and he became sick.” David’s child died as a result of David’s sin concerning Bathsheba and Uriah. David committed adultery and murder. At another instance, the nation of Israel suffered a pestilence because David’s sin (2 Sam. 24). It is thus possible that a person or even a nation suffers the consequence of the sins of others.

5. Sickness can neither be a consequence of our personal sin, nor a consequence of the personal sin of another person. In this sense, sickness is simply a demonstration of God’s absolute sovereignty.

Remember the man born blind in John 9:1–3. In that passage the disciples asked Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus replied, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” No one sinned. God was simply practicing his absolute prerogative to do whatever pleases him. He was simply displaying his sovereignty—to remind us that we do not control our health. He does!

6. Sickness comes to us from God ultimately for His glory and for our good.

In John 11 when Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick, he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Whatever kind of sickness you have, pray that through it God may be glorified.

While sickness is for God’s glory, it is also for our good. Paul notes in 2 Corinthians 12:7, “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh…to keep me from becoming conceited.” In short, God has given Paul “a thorn in the flesh” (whatever it might be) in order to keep him from the sin of pride.

Maybe God has given you a certain kind of illness (like the coronavirus) in order to keep you from pride and teach you to depend more on his grace (2 Cor. 12:9), so that at the end you can sing with the psalmist, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes” (Ps. 119:71).

A Biblical Theology of Sickness

Affliction

10 Ways in which this Coronavirus Pandemic Can Be for Our Good

I am a Christian and therefore I want to look at this coronavirus pandemic through the lens of the Bible, particularly of Romans 8:28–29, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

This text teaches us that for us, believers in Christ, all things, without exception including the coronavirus, work together for good. Although sometimes in time of great trial we feel what Jacob felt, “all these things are against me” (Gen. 42:36).  But later, once we look back we can say with Joseph, “God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20).

So how can this coronavirus be for our good? Let me suggest ten ways in which this virus can be for our good.

1. It can unite us in prayer globally, since the virus is now pandemic. And let us not underestimate what our prayers can do. Revival begins with prayer.

2. It can open a door for us to share the gospel with the unbelievers. With this pandemic, we Christians have a wonderful opportunity to show Christ’s love to others. Jesus says, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16).

3. It can wean us from some of our idols in this world such as sports, since this virus has caused cancellations and postponements of sporting events. Sadly, some Christians would rather watch or attend a sporting event on Sunday than worship God.

4. It can compel us to put our confidence in God for healing, since there is no known vaccine yet for this virus. Medicines are gifts from God but sometimes we depend more on these gifts than on the Giver.

5. It can give parents special time to be with their children, since this virus has also caused schools to shut down. Let’s ask help from God that our time with our children will become a blessing rather than a burden. Let’s remember, too, that our children are watching us. Thus, by what we say and do, let’s teach them how to react to a crisis like this in a God-honoring way.

6. It can serve as an occasion for us to “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). The pace of life in which we live now is so fast that we hardly find time to pause and meditate on God’s Word. Since this virus has brought normal life to a halt, for most of us we have extra time to commune with God and ponder upon heavenly and eternal things.

7. It can bring us face to face with the reality of death, as this virus continues to claim lives around the globe. “And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment” (Heb. 9:27). Are you ready to die?

8. It can be a wakeup call to us from God to repent of our sin. Usually a pestilence is a sign of God’s judgment. For instance, in 2 Samuel 24 God punished His covenant people because of David’s sin and God’s punishment came to them in a form of pestilence that claimed 70,000 lives.

9. It can point us to Christ’s Second Coming. In a sense, we should not be surprised to see more events like this pandemic as Jesus Himself says regarding the last days, “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and pestilences” (Luke 21:10–11). Unfortunately, people prepare for the coming of the coronavirus, but give little thought to Christ’s Second Coming.

10. It is certain that God will only use this pandemic as an instrument in His hand to conform us more to the image of His Son Jesus Christ. So the coronavirus is not designed to drive us away from God but to draw us closer to Him. It is in this sense that this virus is ultimately for our spiritual good and for God’s own glory.

Therefore, fellow Christians, “Let not your hearts be troubled” (John 14:1).

COVID-19 Pandemic

Affliction

Michigan is now under a State of Emergency because of Coronavirus

I live in Michigan and yesterday our Governor Gretchen Whitmer confirmed the first cases of coronavirus (we have two cases as of now: one in Oakland county and one in Wayne county).

And “to harness our resources across state government to slow the spread of the virus,” Governor Whitmer has put Michigan under a state of emergency. She said, “We’re taking every step that we can to mitigate the virus spread and keep Michiganders safe. I’ve signed an executive order declaring a state of emergency in order to maximize our efforts and assist local governments and officials to slow the spread. It’s crucial that Michiganders continue to take preventative measures.”

Although I’m a Christian, I confess my fear, especially as I have four small children (seven years old and under). But as David confesses, too, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in [God]” (Psalm 56:3).

I know I should not worry, yet I admit my tendency to worry. Oh, but why worry, when I can pray! Paul says, “The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:5–7).

Because this coronavirus is new, we have many uncertainties such as when the vaccine for this virus will be available and if this virus will be seasonal like the flu. Yet, in the midst of all these uncertainties, we can trust our sovereign God. We know for sure that nothing happens without a purpose and that this virus is ultimately for our spiritual good and for the glory of God. As Romans 8:28–29 declares, “And we know that for those who love God all things [without exception, including this virus] work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…”

With this passage in mind, we can be certain that God will only use this coronavirus as an instrument in His hand to conform His people more to the image of His Son Jesus Christ. It is in this sense that this virus is for our spiritual good and for God’s own glory. Let’s trust God even if sometimes we don’t always understand how all things (including this virus) could be for our good. As one song says,

“All things work for our good/ Though sometimes we don’t see/ How they could/ Struggles that break our hearts in two/ Sometimes blind us to the truth./ God is too wise to be mistaken/ God is too good to be unkind/ So when you don’t understand/ When don’t see His plan/ When you can’t trace His hand/ Trust His Heart.”

So let’s not panic but pray. It is during a crisis such as this that God causes mankind to pause, to stop and remember that He is in control and that we are but dust. And as Kevin DeYoung reminds us, “Our biggest concern in life is not sickness, it is sin. By all means, let’s do all we can to limit the spread of physical disease. But our precautions against vice should be even more than our precautions against a virus.”

coronavirus

image source: wxyz.com (Detroit)

Affliction Uncategorized

A Word in Season: The Life and Ministry of Rev. Arie Elshout

A few weeks ago, Reformation Heritage Books published my father-in-law’s translation of the biography of his father, Rev. Arie Elshout (1923–1991), entitled A Word in Season: The Life and Ministry of Rev. Arie Elshout.
To give you some background information, let me quote part of the Translator’s Preface:
It has been an extraordinary and unforgettable privilege for me to translate this biography of my father (and mother!). For obvious reasons, it was a task in which I was also engaged emotionally. My intense and extended interaction with the text of this biography have only reaffirmed what my siblings and I have known since we were children: the life story of our parents is the story of God’s remarkable and gracious dealings with two sinners.
When our parents celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary in 1985, we asked our father to commit to writing—also for the benefit of our children and grandchildren—the many stories our parents had told us. Our father agreed to do that, and during the six remaining years of his life, he faithfully recorded his memoirs for us—memoirs written strictly for the benefit of our extended family. All of this changed, however, when our mother was approached by the author of this biography, Adriaan Van Toor, informing her of his desire to publish the story of the pilgrim’s journey of our beloved parents. After careful and prayerful consideration, our mother agreed to fully cooperate with this proposed publishing venture.
When Mr. Van Toor approached our mother, he had no knowledge of the existence of our father’s written memoirs. How astonished and pleased he was when our mother handed him these memoirs! This provided him at once with the complete framework of the life story of our parents. With this valuable documentation in hand, he then engaged in his own independent research of every aspect of this story. And thus the moment arrived in 2008 that this biography was published in the Netherlands, having as its title Aan Armen uit Genâ (for poor sinners, merely of grace). These words, taken from the rhymed rendition of Psalm 72:12,2 were graven upon his heart by the Holy Spirit as the message he would be called to proclaim as a minister of the gospel. Since, however, an exact translation of this phrase is difficult to achieve, we have opted for A Word in Season (Isa. 50:4), a title that accurately summarizes our father’s ministry as well—especially in light of the context in which these words are found. God gave him a special gift to speak a word in season to the weary, and to comfort the feeble-minded (1 Thess. 5:14).
Not only was this gift evident in every aspect of his pastoral ministry, but also in the three books he has written—books that have been, and continue to be, a “word in season” for many. It never occurred to our father that his life story would be published. In his own words, he viewed himself as one of God’s sparrows rather than an eloquent nightingale. Yet, God’s sovereign purpose was otherwise! It has been a humbling and encouraging experience for our late mother, and our family, that this biography has been so well received in the Netherlands.
Since our father served two North American congregations (1967-1974), it was our late mother’s express desire that our father’s biography be made available in English as well. We are hopeful that many in the English-speaking world will be edified by the account of God’s remarkable dealings in the lives of our parents.
Let me conclude by emphasizing that the story of our parents is ultimately not about them, but rather, about a faithful, covenant-keeping God who, for Christ’s sake, was (is!) also their God. Therefore, to Him alone be all the glory!

Contents:

Preface – Rev. C. Harinck
Translator’s Preface
Introduction

Chapter 1: Peculiar Folk
Chapter 2: A Change of Direction
Chapter 3: In Exile
Chapter 4: Anxiety and Stress
Chapter 5: Destined for Each Other
Chapter 6: Number 742
Chapter 7: How Can This Be?
Chapter 8: He Hears the Needy When They Cry
Chapter 9: This Is the Lord’s Doing!
Chapter 10: “I Shall Go There…”
Chapter 11: Love and Tact
Chapter 12: Trusting in His Sender
Chapter 13: The Ends of the Earth
Chapter 14: “Be It unto Thee Even as Thou Wilt”
Chapter 15: The Long Road to Recovery
Chapter 16: The LORD Made Room
Chapter 17: The Spirit’s Work Encompasses All Kindred and Nations
Chapter 18: Covenant Faithfulness toward Zoetermeer
Chapter 19: A Step Back
Chapter 20: The End of the Journey
Chapter 21: And He Was Not, for God Took Him

Appendices—Two Sermons by Rev. A. Elshout

Sermon 1: Jesus or Barabbas (Luke 23:13–25)
Sermon 2: The Slaying of the Children in Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16–18)

 

To purchase a copy, click here.
A Word in Season
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Two Main Reasons Why Members Leave and Join another Church

Members come and go. Some leave because they relocate. Others are compelled to leave because of doctrinal errors. Some leave not because the church is at fault but because they want to look for a congregation where their worldly practices can be tolerated.

There are those who leave because they are fed up with church traditions that are not necessarily bad. But the problem is sometimes we (church leaders) place our traditions above the gospel. We unconsciously become legalistic in the way we deal with the life and ministry of our church. We become more concerned with our traditions than with the Scriptures.

Yet, I think, of all the possible reasons people leave, poor preaching and lack of love are the two leading ones. Two Main Reasons Why Members Leave and Join another Church

1. Poor preaching

Perfect preaching does not exist. Expecting our pastor to always deliver an A+ sermon every Sunday is not realistic either. However, if the preaching is poor almost every Sunday, most likely members will leave.

Here are some of the characteristics of poor preaching:

  • too doctrinal with almost no practical or personal applications
  • not engaging (preaching becomes like newscasting or reporting)
  • difficult to understand (too technical)
  • hard to follow (too unorganized with no clear direction)
  • too shallow

Now, sometimes a pastor does not preach well because he does not have enough time to study for his sermons, perhaps because of his other duties at home and at church. This is why elders need to protect the time of their pastor for sermon preparation. If you want to hear good sermons from your pastor, don’t overwork him.

2. Lack of love

Members want to belong to a congregation that they can call a “home church,” where they feel welcome and where the communion of the saints exists. When the love of Christ is not felt in a congregation, people usually begin to look for a new church where they can find such love and experience the care of other believers. The Apostle Paul says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up….encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” (1 Thess. 5:11–14). “Bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2).

Sometimes even if preaching is not the strength of a church, but if the gospel is proclaimed faithfully and the members feel loved, they usually stay. But if the preaching is poor and love is lacking, don’t be surprised if one day members leave.  That’s why church leaders need to make a consistent effort to cultivate a loving environment in a congregation. Also, members are responsible to seek ways to become actively involved in the ministry of the church and to reach out to their fellow church members with the love of Jesus.

 

 

 

Preaching

George Whitefield: Evangelist for God and Empire (book review)

George Whitefield: Evangelist for God and Empire, by Peter Y. Choi. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2018 (xvi + 252 pp). $24.00 softcover George Whitefield- Evangelist for God and Empire

Good biographers faithfully present all the facets of the person they are studying. As no one is perfect, these facts include both negative and positive elements. Unfortunately, some Christian biographers tend to provide a hagiographic portrait of their spiritual hero, giving an incomplete picture of their hero’s life. In his book, George Whitefield: Evangelist for God and Empire, Peter Y. Choi offers his readers some insights that are often overlooked by Whitefield scholars. Books on Whitefield usually concentrate on his early and middle life, highlighting his itinerant evangelistic preaching, significant contribution to the rise of eighteenth-century evangelicalism, and important role in the Great Awakening. Thomas Kidd’s definitive biography, George Whitefield: America’s Spiritual Founding Father (2014),[1] is an example of a fine work that focuses on Whitefield’s early and middle life. Choi, on the other hand, focuses his research on the latter years of Whitefield’s life, especially when the colonial revival started dying down. Thus, Choi’s book, originally written as a doctoral dissertation, may helpfully serve as a sequel to Kidd’s biography.

Without intending to slight Whitefield’s spirituality and by placing him within the political, economic, and social context of his time, Choi introduces us to a George Whitefield less well-known to many of us. For instance, we learn that this “Grand Itinerant” was also an evangelist for the British Empire. That is, as a citizen of heaven, he evangelized for the coming of God’s kingdom; as a citizen of the empire, he evangelized with the agenda to expand this empire. Choi puts it this way, “Though best known as the Grand Itinerant who traveled far and wide proclaiming a religion of new birth, Whitefield was more than a famous revival preacher. He was an agent of British culture who used his potent mix of political savvy and theological creativity to champion the cause of imperial expansion” (3). Understanding “Whitefield exclusively, or even primarily, as an evangelical religious leader is not enough,” contends Choi (14), hence, the title of his book George Whitefield: Evangelist for God and Empire. He reminds us that Whitefield lived and ministered in the context of an imperial culture and that the empire shaped his life and ministry.

The connection between Whitefield’s religious and imperial agendas (or his Protestant evangelicalism and British imperialism) is the centerpiece of Choi’s discourse and is also his new addition to Whitefield scholarship. These two “isms”, according to the author, “were the twin targets of Whitefield’s intensely focused evangelical ambition, such that his efforts to preach for religious revival were at the same time a project of British cultural exportation” (16). The first part of the book underscores that Whitefield was not only a Protestant itinerant preacher but also a British explorer in America (chapter 1). He both acted as a Protestant missionary and a British emissary (chapter 2). Even Whitefield’s decision to invest his time and energy in the newly founded colony of Georgia was driven by these twin targets. He saw this colony “as fertile soil into which he could transplant British religion and culture” (45). Thus, even when he established Bethesda Orphanage in 1740, which he called “my darling,” he had this twofold agenda in mind (230).

Choi’s thorough analysis of Whitefield’s life after the Great Awakening’s peak reveals another side of Whitefield as a plantation and slave owner (chapter 4). Choi observes that “Whitefield’s disappointment at the harvest of the awakenings sowed the seed for his deepening involvement in slavery. It is a story of how his reaction to religious and theological crisis paved the way for political, social, and economic development of grave moral consequence” (134). Whitefield had always been an advocate of slavery in Georgia even before its legalization in 1751. In fact, Choi goes on to say, “If any one person does indeed deserve blame for the introduction of slavery in Georgia, it may actually be George Whitefield” (145). But why did this evangelical preacher practice slavery? Why did he purchase Ephratah Plantation in Georgia along with enslaved laborers? Theologically, he justified his practice by the example of Abraham (Genesis 21): “As for the lawfulness of keeping slaves, I have no doubt, since I hear of some that were bought with Abraham’s money, and some that were born in his house” (133). Economically, he thought a hot place like Georgia could not “be cultivated without negroes” (162). Furthermore, only with enslaved labor could he sustain his work in Georgia, particularly his Bethesda Orphanage. Of course, Whitefield was not the only evangelical leader who practiced slavery. Jonathan Edwards also owned slaves. It is striking and critical to note that, lamentably, the two key figures in the Great Awakening both owned slaves.

Against the backdrop of the Seven Years’ War (1756–1763), the book’s fifth chapter looks at Whitefield as a supporter of Great Britain against France and a defender of Protestantism against France’s Catholicism. As Choi outlines Whitefield’s part in British affairs, he further intensifies the book’s thesis: Whitefield’s work as a builder of Protestant empire and his actions as an upholder of the British Empire were inseparable. For him, says Choi, Christian faithfulness was measured “by devotion to the British Protestant cause against the French Catholic threat” (191). The final chapter examines Whitefield’s last years of life in America where he died in 1770. During this period, aware of his nearing death and desiring to leave a lasting legacy, he used his remaining strength to attempt to convert his Bethesda Orphanage into a college. Although unsuccessful in his attempt, his motive behind this project revealed his twin targets, a point that Choi is making throughout his book. In Whitefield’s own words, if his college could be established, its purpose was to equip “persons of superior rank” to “serve their king, their country, and their God, either in church or state” (195).

Choi should be commended for his well-researched and beautifully written book. I think he has convincingly demonstrated Whitefield’s key roles as an evangelist for God and empire. His book provides the missing piece of the Whitefield puzzle. When added to the other pieces (i.e., other works on Whitefield), the result is a more complete picture of the most famous preacher of the eighteenth century

[1] Thomas S. Kidd, George Whitefield: America’s Spiritual Founding Father (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2014).

Note: The original review appeared in the Calvin Theological Journal 54/2 (2019): 465–68.

Book Review

Seven Ways a Wife Can Cultivate Her Marriage

Our guest contributor today is my dear wife Sarah J. Najapfour (BA in English Literature, University of the Fraser Valley). She is a stay-at-home mom. She taught at Cascade Christian School in Chilliwack, British Columbia, and Plymouth Christian High School in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She is co-author of Amazing Grace, the first part of the series called “Stories behind Favorite Hymns for Ages 3 to 6.” She and her husband Brian have four children.

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As a parallel piece to my husband’s article “Thirteen Ways a Husband Can Cultivate His Marriage,” which appeared in July/August 2019 issue of The Outlook, I would like to borrow his first paragraph, changing it slightly to fit my article’s context: “Marriage is like a garden. If you are a gardener and want to have a beautiful garden, you should work hard on your garden. Likewise, if you are a wife and do not invest time and energy in your marriage, you can’t expect to have a wonderful marriage. And as a garden needs constant care, so does marriage. Like a gardener, you as a wife should ‘water, fertilize, and weed’ your marriage regularly in order to have a healthy marriage.” The Outlook

Here are seven ways in which a wife can cultivate her marriage:

1. Pray daily for your husband. As a leader and provider of the family, your husband has weighty responsibilities. What a comfort it can be for your husband, if he knows that each day his wife is praying for him—that God will strengthen, direct, and protect him!  Personally, I find Lifting My Husband Through Prayer a helpful tool as I pray for my husband. This prayer card, produced by Family Life in 2014, uses Bible verses as a guide for a wife as she prays for her husband.

2. Encourage and support your husband’s leadership in your home. In today’s culture, the idea of a wife’s submitting to her husband seems absurd. However, when a wife obeys God’s command to submit willingly to her husband as unto the Lord, it is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His Bride (Eph. 5:21–24). And biblical submission does not mean that you become a doormat. On the contrary, God calls you as a wife to be a helper to your husband—to work alongside him for God’s glory. A godly husband will value his wife’s input, and will not abuse his authority and demean his wife. Just as a husband’s tender love increases his wife’s desire to honor him, so does a wife’s willing submission to her husband increase his desire to cherish more his wife.

3. Make an effort to show interest in your husband’s work, hobby, or passion. Continue to date your husband. Engaging in your husband’s hobby or passion can build sweet friendship in a marriage. My husband loves basketball. When we were first married, I knew little about that sport. Now, I’m not sure who enjoys watching a basketball game more, he or I.

4. Listen (really!) to your husband. Women are so used to multitasking; and sometimes, they continue to multitask even when their husbands are talking to them. Yes, generally they are listening, but their actions can show disinterest. Depending on your situation, putting down your grocery list, setting aside your cleaning cloth, or putting your cellphone down are some meaningful ways to show your husband that he matters to you. Now, if you really can’t listen well at the moment he is trying to share something with you, you may want to kindly say, for example, “Dear, what you have to say is important to me. Could we talk about it tonight after supper so I can really listen to you?”

5. Praise and compliment your husband, not only privately but also publicly (and if you have children, in front of them). Make sure he knows that you admire him, value his care for your family, and appreciate his leadership. A wife who intentionally esteems her husband will be surprised how her admiration can motivate her husband to lead and serve more their family.

6. (This point is especially for moms with young children.) Remember that before you became a mother, you were first a wife and are still a wife. Our precious little ones can consume so much of our time that we neglect to cultivate intimacy with our husbands. As a mom of four small children, I know how hard this can be! I also know how much my husband appreciates it when I make an effort to show him that he is still number one. A small love note sent in his lunch or placed on his desk, cooking his favorite meal, planning date nights away from the children are just some ways wives can communicate love to their husbands.

7. Treat your husband as God treats you. (I’ve borrowed this point from my husband’s article as it excellently applies to both husbands and wives.) “God does not deal with us according to the multitude of our sins but according to His rich mercy. Your husband is not perfect; he has flaws and weaknesses, but so do you. Therefore, as God is gracious to you, so be gracious to him. When you are wrong, be humble enough to admit your mistake. When you sin, ask for forgiveness. When your husband sins, forgive him as God has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32). Grow with him in God’s mercy and love.”

The above list is by no means exhaustive but meant to give some practical suggestions for cultivating our marriages. We need to realize, however, that ultimately apart from God’s grace in Christ we cannot be the kind of wife God calls us to be. Therefore, we need His grace for us to grow more selfless in our marriages. We need His forgiveness for the many ways in which we fail to respect and submit to our own husbands (Eph. 5:33). And we need His Spirit to enable us to nurture a happy and holy marriage.

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This post has originally appeared in The Outlook 69, no. 6 (2019): 22–23. Used by permission.

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